Have I wasted my teens?
Caitlyn Woodbury
Have I wasted my teens?
At the time I am writing this, I am a few days away from turning 20 and officially no longer a teenager. And this week has been a lot of introspection of whether I have wasted my teen years (hence the title), but, I don’t think it is as simple as yes or no.
When I turned 13, my idea of being a teenage girl was from what I saw on TV. In my mind, being a teenage girl meant going to loads of house parties, having to sneak out and not let your parents know that you’re drinking. Being a teenage girl was having one best friend across the whole of school and maybe even getting a boyfriend, or, at the very least having a very overwhelming crush on someone. Being a teenage girl was being wild and free, making loads of stories that you will remember for a lifetime. When I think about teenage me, she wasn’t exactly like that...
Teenage me really struggled with friendships. I had about 5 best friends across high school, with all of them moving onto someone better. Yes, I had an all encompassing “crush” on a guy in Year 8, but that stopped quickly when I realised I was a lesbian. Great for someone who went to an all-girls school, except the fact that I had a brief “relationship” in Year 11 with someone who wasn’t able to come out to her family. I did have an insufferable crush on one of my best friends though, so at least I checked that box.
House parties were non-existent. At first, I thought this was just an American thing and Brits didn’t do it. Turns out I just wasn’t cool enough for them- oh well. Birthdays were a bit lonelier, with my 16th just being spent with family because my friends were unable to celebrate with me.
Sixth form did change things a bit. I finally got that best friend I was looking for. We are 3 years strong, and sorry Gabs, but I am not going anywhere. I had hangouts with friends that I had been wanting for years, even if it wasn’t the elaborate house parties I was conditioned to think were the norm. My 18th was spent with family AND friends, with an awesome party and a rough feeling the next day. There were rocky relationships; just two girls trying to find themselves in the world, so when I look back there is no hard feelings. Maybe I wasn’t wild and free, but can you blame me? I was an undiagnosed autistic teenager, battling through a pandemic, grief, and mental health issues across a good majority of my teen years.
But I did make memories, and I have done a lot of things that I am proud of. I have been places I never thought I would, done things I never thought I could. I have gone to London without an adult (sounds easy but for me I never thought I would be able to do that), I’ve left the continent without a family member, I had a comedic role on stage, started to feel more confident in myself, and had a great time going to comic-cons. And the past year I have moved to a new place on my own and have had an absolute rollercoaster of a time.
So maybe my teen years weren’t like what you see on TV... but I don’t think I have wasted them at all. Nothing about my life has been steady and normal, but it’s been my life. So as I enter my 20s and say goodbye to teen me, I only have one thing to say: be proud of yourself!
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